Will Smith says that he lives his life without a Plan B.  He says that when you have a Plan B it diverts your attention from Plan A, the plan that you really want to manifest.  Will Smith is a genius.

We can live our lives having back-up plans for when things don’t go as planned, but when we do that, we give the Universe an “out”.  If we focus on what we want, we get it (or sometimes something even better that we didn’t even know we should want).  When we focus on something we don’t want, we get that too.  So, if we are focusing on Plan A, but giving attention to Plan B, I think the Universe may get a little confused as to what we really want, don’t you?

So, first you really need to decide what you want.  Many of us out there have no real definitive clue as to what we want.  We know what we don’t want.  We have some vague ideas about what we want and maybe even some ideas about how to get what we want.  But really, when it comes down to it, the Universe doesn’t reward vagueness.  It rewards specific, measureable beliefs and desires.  So, figure out what you want.

I suggest writing it down, handwritten or typed and go through everything that pops into your head.  If you are wanting to know what you want regarding your job, focus on things that within that scope.  Likewise, if you are focusing on material possessions, during the exercise keep with the possessions and don’t deviate unless your Higher Self dictates to you that you are masking with “stuff” what you really want and need.  And then, you may realize that you have just experienced a life-altering breakthrough– but that’s a whole ‘nother blog!

After you have written everything down that comes to mind, begin the pruning process.  For a tree to grow and bear lots of luscious fruit, it needs to be pruned and tended.  The same is true for getting what you want.  So, prune your document.  Start by converting all of the sentences that are in a negative format into a positive expression.  For example, if you were to say “I don’t want to work for anyone else ever again!”  Perhaps you could rephrase it to something like, “I choose/want to be self-employed”.  Line by line, recreate into a positive format all of your wants.

Then, eliminate all of the things that are redundent.  You don’t need to say the same thing over and over to get the results you desire.  What you do need is to clarify anything on your list to be as specific as possible.

After you finish fine-tuning your list, it’s time to give it status.  Print out your list onto nice paper with a font that appeals to you, or handwrite it in your best writing and then put it somewhere that you can easily see it and keep it in your awareness on a regular basis.  It’s important to reflect on it and perhaps even fine-tune it further as you get closer and closer to manifesting what you want.

And lastly, you need to begin to ACT on these WANTS.  Life if full of motion, not stagnation.  When things are stagnant, they disease and die, when things are in action, they flourish and prosper.  So, begin by acting.  If you are wanting to be loved, for example, be loving (Dalai Lama).  If you are wanting to work within a certain field, volunteer, go back to school for the education, read books on the subject, turn in your resume` to prospective employers… ACT, DO, CREATE, LEARN, INSPIRE!!!  Go forth and put your wants into form!

Sometimes it is only with time that we are able to really be clear as to what we want, but until we start doing the exercises towards that understanding, we will only get leftovers, otherwise known as, Plan B.

What are we to do when our identities get so intertwined with our physical and emotional ailments?  Consciously, we don’t want to have the “issue”, but unconsciously, there may be another strategy going on.  It’s called Secondary Gain.  There is a part within many of us that really needs something that is produced by the issue.  For example, someone who is on disability may hear about the latest technology that will heal them and allow them to live a full and productive life.  Well, as much as on the surface one would without fail think that that would be fantastic, the undercurrent dilemma, however, could be really challenging to manipulate.  Now you have a person who will need to go back into the work force, rather than accepting the disability checks each month.  Even if the person isn’t lazy, the potential fears of not being good enough, having to interact with others again, possible job retraining, etc… would be enough to create some hesitation and anxiety about healing.

Secondary gain isn’t something that people generally think about and plan around, because it is largely unconscious.  And, it is the underlying motivator of WHY we do WHAT we do.  At this point, we need to dig deep into the subconscious mind and clear the negative motivators so that they will forfeit their hold, allowing us to achieve our goals.  At least, this is one theory.

Gary Craig, the founder of EFT, believes that our energy system in the body changes polarity and therefore does a reversal.  He calls this phenomen “Psychological Reversal” or PR.  Until we can reverse the polarity, we will continue to get opposite results of what we think we want.  For more information about his excellent theories and treatments, check out his website www.emofree.com.

My theory is that it is a combination of both.  Emotionally clearing the roadblocks is just as essential as making sure you’re not trying to drive the wrong way down a one-way street! Although, sometimes once your heading the “right way”, the emotional roadblocks go away!

So, think about something you would like to be different in your life.  What is it?  What has prohibitted you from making the change?  What could you gain from NOT making the change?  What could you lose?  What would you gain from making the change?  What would you lose from making the change?  Who will support you in making the change?  Who will be against it?

As you look deeply into your issue you would like to change, what do you see?  What do you feel in your body?  Where do you feel it?  Are there baby steps that could help make the transition smoother?  Would it be beneficial to have a coach or mentor to model?  If so, please feel free to contact me for a free e-mail consultation (www.essentialblueprint.com) or for a referral to someone who is certified in your area.

Good luck in making these positive changes in your life!  You can do it!

Happiness, sometimes such a fickle emotion.  So many things that drift through our realities can dictate whether or not someone is happy.  A small shift, a funny look, a coarse word, a bad driver… all these things can take our off your happiness course in a matter of seconds.  If you let it!

Hormones, in my world, are my greatest enemy when it comes to fluctuating mood!  And, part of what helps me to stay happy even through those dark, PMS-ing days, is to recognize that it is hormones and not some universal force that has decided to gang up on me and make me hate the world!  I laugh as I write this, because the dangers of PMS are a worldwide phenomenon that most people can relate to!  And, I am not impervious to all the negative emotions that counter happiness… not by a stretch!

Back to recognizing… when we take the time to understand ourselves, our cycles, our triggers, our “best times” of the day and our “worst times” of the day, we can then formulate strategies that help us to improve upon them and even overcome.

For example, my parents are my very best friends and my constant support system.  They are the people that I depend on the most.  They are also the people that can push my buttons like no other!  I suppose when you know someone so well, it’s easy to know the dark parts too, and for they to know yours.  Recently, I was talking with my father on the phone and both of us at some point stopped listening to one another and started creating assumptions.  And that, my friend, is when the trouble started.  We started yelling at each other over the phone and even going as far as to use obscenities.  At some point, it dawned on me that he had been hitting my buttons, not because he was intentionally trying to provoke me, just because he had his own set of patterns and I was triggering him with mine!  Once I had the conscious awareness that that was what was happening, I was able to soften my tone and allow myself to fully listen to him before responding.  Once he felt heard, he was able to reciprocate by listening to me.  That was when we were able to acknowledge that we were both wrong in our assumptions of what the other was trying to communicate.  One phone call, totally spun out of control and then back into balance just by recognizing what was happening.

Sometimes the recognition comes too late.  Our triggers run deep, friends.  We have some pretty solid patterns of behavior that take time and conscious awareness to to get control of.  But, we have the ablility to gain that control, one day at a time, one awareness at a time.

Happiness is one of the things we can become more and more aware of and make conscious choices to become.  If our lives are full of unhappiness, notice what small, incremental changes we can employ to dive into a life of happiness instead!  Complete change takes time, so creating the expectation that happiness from unhappiness will happen overnight is unrealistic.  That’s not to say that it can’t happen, just that more often than not it takes a conscious effort of paying attention and fine tuning your behavior and life choices as you go.

Happiness is a journey, but one that has amazing pitstops along the way, some of which will be so frustrating that they can only be there to help us to better notice and be grateful for the golden ones.  Go and enjoy your journey of being happy!

So tell me, or more importantly, tell yourself, with what and how are you being incongruent in your life?

What areas specifically do you wish you could change? How specifically would you like to change? What is preventing you from moving forward and becoming congruent with the person that within your heart and soul you know you were meant to be?

These questions are good to implore the spirit and clarify who and what you are in this world. Our inward representation of ourselves is just as important as our outward representation. When you start digging deep within, asking the tough questions and allowing the honest answers to come forth, you will notice that you will begin to see patterns. Once you can recognize the behavior patterns, where they are in sync with who you really are, and where they are incongruent, you will then have the ability to make positive changes!

We have the ability to manifest our greatest good. Sometimes it is necessary to gain help from a trained therapist and other times we are able to make the changes in ourselves just by becoming aware that the change is needed.

I trust that as you go through your process of self-analysis you will notice the nuances that make you special, the gifts that you have that set your importance in the world apart from others, and the changes that will be so easy for you to make as you awaken!

Now is the time to start taking responsibility for your life with action!

It’s interesting to me how listening to certain tunes, such as Norah Jones, or watching certain movies can elicit reactions in us. Sometimes those reactions are emotional. Sometimes they are physical.

Eckhart Tolle would say that the “Pain Body” is being alerted and fed. I’ve been exploring what that means to me, in my life, and I can agree that he is on to something. I feel the way the mood of the music, for example, reminds me of things that may be better left alone. Do I really need to have a mood settle over me that reminds me of the loss of my marriage? Is that healthy? Is it healing the pain of the loss or is it feeding it? As I sit here in a mild state of melancholy, I believe that having those feelings re-awakened that I have been working hard at letting go and being at peace with, is not for my greatest good.

So, now my consciousness is inviting me to be proactive with my emotional states. Requesting that I choose carefully the information that I want to absorb.

Think about what triggers your “pain body” and then start the process of letting go.

I have felt all of my life that there is a divine purpose for each and every one of us. In fact, I believe this so strongly that my entire life focus has been about helping people to extract their essential purpose! The idea that we are here just existing, or maybe not, and then we die into nothingness, just doesn’t resonate as a truth to me.

Recently, the idea was presented to me that perhaps this was only my personal delusion… that in fact, maybe there really isn’t any reason for us to be here and there really isn’t anything that we must do.

Think about that for a moment…

Frankly, I have been lost in thinking about it, feeling it, praying about it to my idea of a Higher Power. And, in this moment, I think I have come to the conclusion that perhaps he is right, it IS my delusion. And, my purpose here is to have this delusion and be supportive and helpful to others’ with similar delusions.

In essence, we are both right and we are both wrong. If I remain too wrapped up in my delusion that it prevents me from moving forward, it puts me into a consistent judgmental space of right and wrong, and it presupposes that everyone out there has my same delusion, then I am missing the point about who I am in this world and what I am here to do (based on my delusion)!

So, I’d ask you to ponder this. What is your delusion? Is it holding you back from manifesting what you want to experience here? Or, is it propelling you forward to what your definition of “greatness” is?

You matter. We all matter. Be it my delusion or not, I am proud that I believe that.

Please share with me your thoughts or comments. I would love to dialogue with any of you who may come upon this blog!

If you consider your life, how you live it, who you share it with, and what matters about it, consider the congruency or lack of congruency within it.  Are you living the life that “fits”?  Does it feel right?  Are you always finding that others are doing things to you that you have no control over?  Do you believe that where you live is holding you back from being the person you were meant to be?  Do you find yourself angry often, but when you look at the reasons why you are angry and really step outside of the situation, you see that you are reacting to something out of proportion with the actual event?

All of these things effect our congruency in our life.  Anthony Robbins, the father of “life coaching”, said “Your decisions are what shape your destiny.”  What kind of decisions are you making?  Are you soley thinking about what is best for you?  Or are you taking into consideration a more global perspective, or at a very minimum, the familial perspective?  Our actions directly affect others.  Period.  The decisions that we make now are the catalysts for changing our universe.  Sound big?  Sound unrealistic?  Well, it isn’t.  It’s a complete truth.  What we do, where we go, how we choose to live our lives in conjunction with others directly influences the world we live in.  So, upon inspection of your life, are you living  congruent with your deepest core values?

Consider this as one example of becoming congruent, a friend of mine and her husband were very up and coming.  They were making a name for themselves within our community as successful real estate investors.  They were living a rich life full of family and fun, mostly debt-free and happy.

However, the friends that they shared their spare time with chose to not have jobs, to live off of welfare, in rundown rental houses and apartments.  They enjoyed using recreational drugs as well as the benefits of frequent and excessive alcohol consumption.  They talked about what they did in high school, local and global gossip, and what the new technology was creating for stimulating video games such as Grand Theft Auto.  These people weren’t bad people, just lackadaisical and uninspired with life.

I asked my friend one day, not out of judgment just base curiosity, what drew and kept her to being friends with these folks.  I was curious because they weren’t the sort that were challenging, uplifting, spiritually nurturing or anything else positive that I could really see that was aligned with who I saw her to be in this world.  She wasn’t really sure of the answer.  In fact, it initially was upsetting to her.  Later on though, she and her husband talked about it and they realized that they were remaining friends with these people mostly out of a shared history and habit.  They were frequently frustrated by this group of friends lack of interest in the world we live in or having much of a contribution to it.  When they finally saw the big picture, they realized it was time for them to move forward in their lives in a positive, intelligent way.  They invited their friends to “grow up” with them, but that wasn’t to happen, so they parted ways fairly peacefully.

Now, I never put her friends down.  People are people and it takes a variety to make the world interesting, but something in my questioning of their relationship lifted a veil from my friends eyes and she saw them in a different way.  She knew that although there were benefits to the friendship (in this case, they were the big fish in the small pond and it made their egos feel good), but ultimately, these were not people who were aligned with her core values and they would not help her as she grows and learns in this world. And, she realized that that was important to her.

She and her husband have since cultivated fresh relationships with neighbors, other investors and people along the way that they have positive, reciprocal relationships with.  They are active examples of people who are striving to live with congruency.

As we learn who we are on the inside, what matters to us and what our contribution is, we can actively reflect that on the outside.  Choosing our friendships, our mentors, our advisers, what activities we do, where we go, what we listen to, read about, watch on television, these are all ways in which to become more congruent with who we really are.   We are an active work in progress.  Small incremental positive changes in whichever direction we need to go, is precisely what we need to do to create mammoth positive changes in ourselves and the world over time!

I challenge you to go forth and live congruent with you core values!

Blessings!

Circle Dance

You dance circles in my heart,
Round and round you spin
But you never go anywhere.

I wonder if you know
The direction you are headed.
The direction that you want to go?
The direction that I want to go?

Laughing, crying… trying to find our way,
Through the kisses and passion
Trying to find something solid
To place our footing
Our foundation… to build something lasting.

Yours, mine… different but so alike
A fusion of two different worlds
The potential for greatness,
A weakness that could be crippling.

Where will this dance take me,
The dizzying circles are tiring
And still I may be ready for more.
But are you willing to release the crazy cycle and go forward?

by Melanie Sargent

I wrote that poem a few months ago when I realized that the man I married was, although a very good man, wasn’t the right man for me. I desperately wanted him to be. I looked deeply into everything that offered hope, offered a solution. But, try as I might, the end came and my brief marriage dissolved much like a mirage, at the moment that I had been finally believing it to be real.

I look now at the kaleidoscope of warnings that came to me with fleeting bits of clarity. I knew, and then I denied what I knew. I told myself to follow my intuition, it would guide me. But, I doubted what I was learning. Really, it scared me and I didn’t want to believe it. I wanted to believe that he was the man he said he was.

My intuition told me through my dreams that we were a mismatched pair. I would awaken with anxiety and a troubled heart several times a week throughout our nearly two year relationship. Occasionally, I would have a pleasant dream with him in it, but mostly they were disturbing. They would dictate to me the differences in our values, the way we viewed the world. Sometimes it would come in the form of a gross betrayal, other times it would be more subtle.

Now, I am not suggesting that if you have a dream or two about your spouse cheating that they are in fact cheating on you! No, rather I am implying that your subconscious mind is trying to get your attention, especially if you are having the dreams on a regular basis. It may be worth your time to write about them. Not only the details you remember from the dream, but also the feelings that it provoked before and then throughout your day as you reflect upon it.

You may notice that you are just the casual observer and that what you are seeing doesn’t offend you. You may see yourself react in a way that isn’t normal for you. For example, in the past sometimes I would find myself getting really angry and confrontational and suddenly know triple black belt level karate and kick some serious ass! I would awaken from those dreams feeling exhausted and empowered that I could handle a situation if it should arise. No, I couldn’t just perform that level of skill, but if that dream was speaking in metaphor, as they often do, I could relate it to another area in my life in which I was feeling out of control or weak, and I could see the relationship and know that inside of me I did own the power to handle the situation!

And that, is precisely what you can gain from paying attention to your dreams. In my specific instance with my husband, I was finding that over and over I was giving up my personal power and ideals in different ways in order to submit to him. Ultimately, it emphasized how out of balance we were as a couple. When you have to consistently dis empower yourself in order to show love or be loved by your partner, it isn’t healthy and it won’t honor the best in either of you.

And, just like the soap opera always says, “Like sands through the hour glass, these are the days of our lives.” Moving on, moving forward and hopefully learning from our mistakes. Even enough to recognize that some things we may initially classify as mistakes, such as my soiled marriage, are really not mistakes, just stepping stones to take us to where we are supposed to be heading.

Blessings….

When I was a young girl, I was quite taken with this poem, “There’s a ripple effect in all that we do, what you do touches me, what I do touches you.”  It was on a really groovy 70’s poster that hung on the wall of my room.  It didn’t site an author, so unfortunately, I have no one to credit.  The words were so powerful and evocative that they have stayed with me all these years.  Time and again I have reflected back on the simplicity and truth in those words.

In some ways, it’s like saying that Karma will come back to you, positively or negatively, depending upon what you do.  We have a choice in every instance, to create a positive vibration or the contrary.  Sometimes we may worry that if we stand up for ourselves and hold our ground, and not take care of the other person or persons involved, that we will be creating a ripple of negativity.  I stand to think that when we hold true to ourselves, with love and integrity, we will create a space that will allow others’ to hold true to themselves also, with love and dignity.

There are natural consequences in this world.  For example, my son may knock over a plant, breaking the pot and making a dirty mess everywhere.  He didn’t maliciously knock over the plant.  It was an accident.  However, there are still consequences from that action.  He still needs to clean up the mess, possibly buy me a new pot out of his hard-earned money, and re-pot the plant if it survived the crash.  Another consequence is that I lose a pot and possibly a plant.  Likely both of our time is taken with the cleaning up, the going to the store for new supplies, etc.  Cause and effect.  It doesn’t always mean that we make a conscious choice around how or why things happen.  Things happen, consequences take form, and we get to decide how to react.  We can react by throwing a fit, calling out abusive words, stomping our feet…. or, we can choose to remain calm and take care of the mess without letting the incident take us to another place of regret.

That isn’t to say that some days I don’t throw the fit and overreact!  Of course I do!  More and more though, as I become awakened, I realize that this is just “stuff”.  This isn’t significant in the big picture!  And, understanding that allows the space for life to take the course of our destiny, our blueprint.  I allow myself to have moments where I am angry, frustrated, sad, etc… but, I make a conscious effort to identify that this is what I am feeling now, let the feeling happen in as safe a way as possible, and then release the hold the feeling has on me as soon as its appropriate.  Remembering that it is just a feeling, it is not my overall essence.

One thing that I am in full awareness of… life cause ripples, we affect people knowingly and unknowingly, positively and negatively.  However, if more often than not, we can choose to create positive ripples I’m suggesting that everyone will benefit in a global way.  Especially ourselves.

I leave you with this quote by Earl Nightingale as you may ponder what type of ripples you are creating in your life, and in others’ lives, “Our attitude towards life determines life’s attitude towards us.”

May you create peaceful and gracious ripples throughout your life…

I’ve been pondering gratitude quite a lot lately, as my life has taken some unexpected turns, some in which could easily lead to a nose-dive into the pools of despair.  So, to think and explore the concepts around being thankful, at times can seem daunting.  My Higher Self, however, disagrees.  My Higher Self is inclined to think that even hardships are blessings.  Yes, even the terrible tragedies create blessings often in some form.

You see, we live in a world of contrasts and reciprocity; often viewed as yin and yang, dark to light, high to low, in to out, etc.  There is a duality in our world that creates seemed blessings and assumed curses.  Many by now have heard of the Law of Attraction.  It has gotten quite a stir lately with the movie The Secret and all of the spiritual gurus jumping the bandwagon!  Not that it isn’t a bandwagon worthy of jumping, it is.  It has been often pushed and touted as an alternative to positive affirmations, or rather, it really just takes positive affirmations to the next level.  At any rate, often the focus is on getting rich, and for many, that is the most important thing.  “Ye who dies with the most toys wins” would not be such a famous quote, if the majority didn’t crave money and material possessions.  I’d like to suggest another way to encourage the Law of Attraction and the Law of Reciprocity to be utilized not only to YOUR advantage, but also to the WORLD’S advantage.

And, this is where the whole “gratitude” aspect comes into play…  For us to take the high road, where we can hold our head’s high and know that we are each doing the best we can, with the tools we have been given, to accomplish exactly what we are here to do.  That may sound somewhat complex to some, and you may be wondering what in the heck I mean, but please bear with me!  I don’t want you to have to give up all of your material possessions!  I’m just suggesting, that the Universe is abundant!  There is plenty for everyone!  And, part of this process of attraction is allowing yourself to accept the abundance and be certain in your generosity to others’ that it will be reciprocated, often tenfold, to you!  It is a good idea to share, and know that you will never be without.

The Tao Te Ching says this quite nicely, “Instead of trying to be a mountain, be the valley of the universe and all things will come to you.”  In the Bible, it is taught that as you give, you will receive.  This truth, no matter what your faith, is prevalent in the Law of Attraction and the Law of Reciprocity.  Nothing, and I mean nothing, that you do, say, show, give, or take is without effect.  In physics they have a law derived from Newton that states, “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.”  All of these things point to the elementary “cause and effect”.  What you do matters.  What I do matters.  We, globally and independently, matter.  So… matter in a big way. Matter in a series of small ways.  Matter in a “Pay it Forward”, live your best life, be thankful for the rain, the sun, the grass that grows underfoot… the sadness that comes into your world because it teaches you compassion for others’ sadness… the food on our tables that nourish us, knowing that there are so many out there that are without nourishment…. We are so rich with blessings.  Feel those blessings.  Be grateful for them.  And then, do what you can, in small ways or large, to share them.  Those blessings will befall you tenfold and more.

Believe.  Go forward.  Be grateful.  Bless others’ and allow yourself to be blessed.